It’s a different kind of nervous now than when I first started doing this. And full marathons are the only races that can get me nervous now, everything else I’m just excited to run.  What continues to make me nervous is that unknown. But that’s also part of the challenge and the journey. And I’m sure that’s what keeps me coming back to the start line - aside from always wanting my “best” to be better.

So as I lay down to get some sleep, I have many thoughts… I will rest in the knowledge that I’ve done everything I could to make the best of a challenging training cycle, that I will give it my all tomorrow and I will trust that I can and will get to that finish line. I will look forward to seeing so many friends at the start line, on the course and at the finish. I’m excited to see what the day has in store for everyone and I will look forward to celebrating after the race because it’s shaping up to be an amazing day filled with PR’s for so many. I will be excited to have, for the first time all together, my parents and Layne waiting for me at the finish line. As I go along, I will picture Layne’s sweet face, beautiful smile and infectious laugh – especially if the miles get tough. I will remember that part of why I do this is because it’s one way I can teach him to never give up and that he can do anything he wants.

Which brings me to a quote I came across a few years ago when I first got into the craziness of long distance running, and has continued to be one of my favorites:

“Run if you can, walk if you have to, crawl if you must, just never give up.” Dean Karnazes

~K

I do not like taper week. And I do not remember not liking taper this much before. For me, it has very little to do with the physical elements of tapering. I can actually get my head around that part and it makes sense: extra rest, carb loading, anything and everything to prepare my body to take on 26.2 miles – I get it. Done. But the mental aspect that is what’s killing me.

Just yesterday I was completely psyched for this Sunday. I’ve had a great string of long runs the last few weeks and I had one of the most amazing 12 mile runs that I’ve ever had. I felt strong and in control of every mile, I ended it extremely excited for the race. But today I’m sore and maybe, slightly, regretting pushing that hard one week before race day. And that, basically, has started the ball rolling for all the questions that you don’t want to ask yourself but yet just can’t help yourself: “Did I train enough?” “Better yet, did I train well enough?” “What else could I have done? (because there must be something)” “What if I start hurting early on?” And so on…and so on… Which leads me to running through a mental checklist of my body. Knees, back, hips, ankles, calves and various other muscles, joints or tendons that have recently or have ever given me an issue. Are they feeling strong or weak? Is there anywhere I need to foam rolling more than usual? Should I go see Darci (my amazing ART woman) one more time this week? Blah, blah, blah.

Now, I’ve run enough marathons now to know A: (mostly) what I’m doing and B: that anything can happen – good, bad or indifferent. I also know that these last couple months of training have gone better than I expected or even hoped for. However, I know that I gained a few pounds some months back (when the afore-mentioned personal life made it difficult to adhere to a training schedule) and I’ve yet to lose it all so it’s weighing on me (pun intended) in more ways than one and nags at me. It’s quite confusing to have felt so good and so ready just yesterday. But today? That push caught up with me, along with a terrible night’s sleep, that has me worn out and nauseated – especially after a  particularly busy work day. And I told myself, no matter what, I would get extra sleep this entire week and do absolutely everything I could to have my best shot on Sunday. So far, I’m failing miserably. Even though I can manage to talk sense into myself and feel sane again at various points throughout the day, with very little sleep the tapering mental assault of “I’m probably screwed in so many ways on Sunday” returns.

On the upside (yes there is one here), I know what I need to do. I need to get a lot of sleep (or at least start with some sleep), stretch, get in my easy runs to keep my legs loose, continue to eat right and I’ll be just fine. Half of that is an easy, no-brainer plan and I’m all over it. The other, perhaps more important sleep part, not so much.

And so, I thank you for indulging me by reading this. Maybe you related a bit, maybe it all seems nuts. I do realize that all of this could sound melodramatic or whiny, even. But they don’t call it “taper madness” for nothing.

~K

It’s taken me a long time to get this blog up and running. So long that I’m not even going to tell you how long because, well, it’s ridiculous. I have a long list of ideas for posts and this one is really just to get the ball rolling. It’s intended to be short and sweet, but also give some insight into who I am and why I’m blogging. So, without further adieu…

Who?

Like most, I am many things: a Mama to my amazing & gorgeous son Layne, who is growing up way too fast. A daughter to my wonderful, supportive parents & little sister to my protective, older brother. I’m an avid (read: addicted) runner who’s started running 15+ years ago, but started doing marathons in 2009. I’m also a vegetarian. I’m a photographer by training & passion, a certified personal trainer by desire and a Realtor by trade. I like to use bold, italics, (parenthesis) and “…” when I write, so you’ll need to get used to that. I am a Virgo. And a fairly typical one (yikes). I am spiritual, curious, kind, giving, down-to-earth & I always look for the best in everyone.

What?

This is one reason I had trouble getting this blog going. I felt like I should pick one topic and stick to it or have different blogs for different areas (so Virgo). But…that’s just not me. So unless that changes (doubtful), I’ll blog about many things. Mostly running, I’m sure, since that is what I do a lot. My journey to the next marathon peppered with health topics, training and all the races in between. Motherhood will probably be second, with photography in at third, real estate fourth, and what ever I’m learning or thinking about (which, I’m willing to bet, will be related the afore-mentioned anyway) will round it all out in the top five.

Where?

Here. Until I get someone to set me up differently on my own site (as I know I should do). I just don’t have the desire to think about servers and whatever else goes along with that, and so for now we’ll be meeting here.

When?

As often as my active son and busy life will allow me, or when I run out of ideas – whichever comes first.

Why?

Quite simply: because I’m always seeking knowledge – about something new or learning more about the old. I love passing it all on and I have many thoughts to share. I also love to hear other people’s thoughts, perspectives and information.

So…there you have it! One down, many to go… The San Francisco Marathon is in two days and I’m raising money for UCSF AIDS, Alzheimer and Heart research with this race, so it has taken on a different meaning and journey for me. I also have quite a few friends who will be there (some of them newbie marathoners!) so I’m sure I will have much to share when all is said and done.

Until next time…

~K